This is my first official post/blog, the previous one was just an intro, kind of a "Hello!".
Just sitting in the living room, I realize that I have done many foolish things in my life. I have trusted and depended on people who hadn't earned that right. I had dumped on people who couldn't wait to get out of my sight or ask for a favor. I've been hurt, but I haven't learnt my lesson as I keep putting myself at risk instead of protecting myself. "Guard your heart with all diligence for out of it are the issues of life". So basically, whether I fail or succeed is attributed (to a certain extent) to the state of my heart!! Okay, I'll stop preaching and just get on with it.
A while ago, I needed a place to stay for a while whilst sorting out my accommodation issues. I was blessed and found a family that took me in, but with that came with challenges I was not prepared for. Like being taken for granted, not being able to visit or hang out with friends. I felt my every move was being monitored. I was uncomfortable shopping because I was always told I was wasting money. Once, my mail was even opened by my hosts and it hurt!!
I felt indebted to them for what they had done for me and so exposed myself to unnecessary emotions and sacrifices. I went out of my way to be there for them and wholeheartedly make sacrifices for them and even till now, I don't think I can fully repay them. However, I'm learning to do this out of love and not compulsion although it has taken me a long time to get here. No matter how much people love you, when they find that you'll do anything for them, they start to take advantage of you. It is then left to you to decide where to draw the line. I didn't grow up learning about boundaries because I had parents that always went the extra mile for people, even those they had no obligations to. I had always thought it was perfectly normal to stretch yourself for people until I realized that the more you stretched for them, the more they pull you and when you snap, everybody retreats like they had nothing to do with you.
My mistake.
I needed someone to talk to at the time, a person to whom I could express how I felt, a human being who would lend their ear to me. In retrospect, I shouldn't have because she kept encouraging me to talk and I became addicted to talking to her. It felt damn good! Just knowing that there is somebody there to talk to is usually a relief. What I didn't realise was that I had moved from a bad friendship (one based on obligations) to one of dependency.
#smh!
Here are some lessons I am learning:
There's a Friend that sticks closer than a brother. One who would listen and never betray you. I need to stop ignoring the warning signs that point me in the direction of caution and self-preservation.
How careful are you in your relationships? I'm very relationship-oriented and I love having friends & people around me that can talk to me and vice versa. But are you totally dependent on human relationships as I was? Realise this, people will let you down! It's in our nature to disappoint. We're human! However, do all you can to protect yourself from heartbreak and unnecessary burdens! Jumping from "friend" to "friend" isn't going to help. Love yourself and be your own best friend-nobody will love you on your behalf!
Draw the line. Protect yourself. Guard your heart. Live at peace with all as much as you're able to. Most importantly, be yourself and love yourself, very few will be able to understand or love you like you. :)
